I Still Have My First Love

Vain is the help of man. As I sat through our Sunday morning services this week I fumbled through an old family Bible that I carry with me on occasion and found Psalm 108. I keep asking God, or perhaps He asks of me what is next. What is next? I’m not sure. I grew up believing it was a sin not to carry a five and ten year plan around in your pocket. But the truth is, I’m not sure what’s next. Maybe what is next is what is.

Vain is the help of man. I graduated with my degree in Theology as any want to be or called to be preacher but right now preaching isn’t on the immediate horizon. I look across the field behind my house and see the silhouettes of a lazy group of cows against the twilight. They aren’t bothered by the city glow, the planes above or the sound of cars in the distance. They just are and do what they do.

Vain is the help of man. I finished my credentialing process a few weeks ago and I take inventory of my qualifications. I have all the necessary paperwork and sit waiting, still and listening. I realize that I’ve done all that…I really wish the dog next door would grow sleepy or hoarse or something. I realize that I’ve spent so much time trying to help God lead me as if I had a better compass than He. How vain is the help of man.

I woke up this morning and sat on the floor of my shower a little longer than usual. My shoulders and legs hurt. I like the way the bathroom fills with warm air on chilly mornings. No matter what comes next, no matter how far the journey I still have my first love. God and I have been friends for a long time, but my heart still jumps when I know I can come home to moments like this. He is and always will be my first love and knowing I have the privilege of living life with Him gives me a certain amount of contentment. Vain is the help of man but through God we may do valiantly.

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